Processing the news…
It’s interesting this life.. the people we meet, the timing of events and the way we receive, assimilate and respond to a variety of life events that come our way. Looking back, I always knew in some shape or for, something like this would take place in my motherhood years. Somewhere deep down in the depths of my being I knew.. I knew I would have to look after a child who may require more than usual.
I remember meeting up with my life long school friends, Briony, Sarah, Sandy and Fiona (Penelope was o/s) we sat around the table chatting at Pope Joan and laughing as we have done for over 20 years, both Fiona and I were pregnant at the time and sharing the normal fears of motherhood, birth.. and hoping everything will run smoothly. Still to this day, I recall vividly saying to them “Sometimes I feel like I may be dealt those cards..” when we discussed having a child with a disability of some shape or form… and the conversation rolled on.. probably to some flaskback from our high school days. There is something so beautifully profound in sharing friendships that have gone back so far, I have such deep respect and love for my friends I met at Kilmaire College. Although we may not always see each other on a regluar basis, there is a type of understanding, a knowing that makes us so connected and close.
As I started to share Chiara’s diagnosis.. it slowly seeped into our families and close friends.. then loosely through FB where I would share some of the journey albeit in little detail. People knew something was going on with Chaira, but mostly thought it was just treatment for her clubfoot.
It’s a lot to take in for any parent, and I watched our own parents try to give us hope. She will be fine, everything is okay…. sometimes the most painful times was having to watch others around me tell me she is fine, not to worry etc. Whatever the case, we were all swimming though a stage of acceptance and denial to some degree.
The word miracle kept circulating through, I prayed so much but I feel it’s going to take more than a miracle to get things moving. Chiara may be severley disabled and how on earth was I ever going to come to terms with the fact that a free life had been taken away from her… and what that meant for us as a family? I know time will reveal the answers I’m desperately seeking now, at the moment I feel full of grief… consumed by it through every hour of every day. Any attempts to sit on my yoga mat for practice – feel way too confronting… I make it to the mat, and sit and cry…one day at a time…
This too will pass….