it all ends with grace
it all began with a 20 week scan
I knew this early on,
that things weren’t going to plan.
our new little baby had a right club-foot
and operations, splints & casting
would be all it took,
to fix her cute foot deformity
and try and bring back some normality.
the royal childen’s hospital soon felt like home
yet this mama had such a huge urge to roam
I wanted to enjoy this new born time alone
instead of this huge sea of abyss we were suddenly thrown.
something else was wrong, I could feel this girl suffer
after all being her mama, I knew her like no other.
a woman holds a power of deep intuition,
if only she took time stop, trust and listen.
As I held her tight through the middle of the night
my heart wept coz things were definitely not right
this innocent girl lay fast asleep
unaware then of her mothers grief
first came the label of microcephaly
a serious birth abnormality
mental retardation and short life span
wheel chairs and seizures
were not part of my mothering plan.
I tried not google but it’s like pandora’s box
one link sends you to the next
by this stage I needed a scotch on the rocks.
A brain MRI was next on the list
meanwhile I was starting to get the gyst
that life seemed to have another plan for us
if only I could stay open to faith and trust.
The results were in, and delivered so blunt
two parents listening to the news their shoulders so slumped
i wondered if I would ever get over this bump.
Your child’s brain injury is severe ‘Im sorry to say
what I am about to tell you will leave you in dismay
it’s a lot for any parent to comprehend
and i know it must feel like life suddenly has an end
to all the adventure, hope and inspiration
now all you are left with is a lot of confusion.
she will not develop the usual way
new things will have to come into play
to try and unlock any hidden potential
dealing with your grief is also essential
your daughter will not be able to walk,
its unlikely she will ever start to talk.
there will many secondary health concerns
which each have a corresponding specialist who will discern
what type of therapy, medication of surgery is required
you’ll probably stay up googling all night until you feel wired,
but through this all you will surely learn
what this precious girl really needs
& that is for you to hold onto hope
because through the darker days
it’s the only thing that will help you cope
now remember this most of all..
that after you take time to grieve
you must pick yourself up and honestly believe,
that there’s no one quite like your own child
to fiercely protect and make your heart go wild
so let this new adventure set sail
and with each little mirco-milestone something will unvail
new shifts in perspective
or a creative view
will be all you need, for this life to feel new
im not going to tell you its an easy road
or recite those well-meaning quotes
that make you want to explode
about being a parent to a special needs child,
whether it be severe, moderate to mild…
the truth be told we may not have chosen this path
yet who’s to say the alternative may not have been a weaker raft
now remember this my dear Mama’s,
the wisest words from our Dalai Lama
‘Sometimes not getting what you want
is a wonderful stroke of luck’
& with those sage words you must take a punt
on how you choose to live your life, after you have fallen into a rut.
Go forth with love and embrace
and live the life in which you faced
my dearest mama and child
for you are both full of grace…